Where Have I been?

Oh my gosh where have I been??? The following letters to my loved ones should sum just about everything up.

Dearest Daughter:
My love you have grown up so much in these months. You have experienced so many new things. You have a cousin now. I thought that it would be life altering for you to have to share Nana, but you have done wonderful.
You celebrated your second birthday. We had the exact same party that we did for your first. We did not have clowns or balloon animals, but just as exciting was a child that had a vomit fest in the buffet line as everyone was gathering to eat. Bless him. You missed all the excitement because you were outside already eating cake. Your barf- phobic mother on the other hand witnessed the entire thing. I will NEVER forget your second birthday.
My sweet darling your vocabulary has blossomed. I thought you might be a quite shy child, but it turns out you are completely the opposite. In fact you would be very happy to go with a stranger. This is very scary to me.
While we are still working on potty training you have mastered the art of removing all of your clothes including your poop filled diaper, and placing it on the dogs head.
You have also become quite the artist. In a span of about five seconds you can find a sharpie and do one heck of a masterpiece. Not just on the walls, but the couch, recliner, and the end tables. Thank you God for magic erasers.
You have and your puppy Manly have a special bond. You were very quick to notice that he had an extra part. I have always heard that I should be honest an up front with you about "private parts" so that you don't feel uncomfortable coming to me in the future if need be, However when we have company the first thing you do is roll Manly over point and say penis repeatably it makes me a little uncomfortable. My love I cannot believe that you are two and half years old. I have no clue what I did without you. You are the love my life.
Love,
Mommy


Dearest Husband:
You have been to the doctor in the last three months more than you have been in the ten years we have been married combined. You turned thirty three and fell apart. I started wondering if maybe I should call a handy man from now on when something simple needs to be done around the house. Of course I am referring to the light incident when you knocked yourself out with a pair of pliers and the proceeded to fall off the table.
Clearly the bump on your head caused you to forget when it not OK to laugh at your wife. Let me give some examples:
When she is running-Not OK It is also not advisable to make comments on why your laughing. "You never run and it is really funny when you do." You must have forgotten the fireworks incident when I had to "run for my life" (that is for you Susie)

When you request chicken wings for dinner and your loving wife goes out and purchases chicken wings only to discover that what she really needed was drumetts. OK that was kinda funny, but laughing at me gaging because I realized they had hair on them... not funny.

I have had to spend twenty four hours a day with you for three weeks now. I am glad that you knee seems to be OK. Again I am sorry that after your surgery while you still drugged I told you that you were missing your ACL not that it was slighty imparied. You were so upset that you demanded to speak to the doctor right away. Wow give you a few drugs and you get a little bit of a backbone.
You are the best and I love you dearly.
Love,
Wife